One and two and breathe

Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Well I would be able to if I could get some things off my chest. Some things that may not make any sense to you but they make a lot of sense to me. My issues will only be separated by a period. Signifying the end. So let’s put somethings to rest. Funeral service if you will.
You’ve been around for so long you have an advantage over everyone and I mean everyone Unfortunately I’m growing up before your eyes and you don’t even know it or maybe you do Maybe that’s why you have to throw a monkey wrench so I’ll stick around You think I will be here forever but newsflash I’ve BEEN here forever or close enough no long enough It’s time to move on Nothing has changed There is no progress You’re great Don’t get me wrong but I’m not the one you want So why pretend Now I need my brain to send a signal for my feet to move Next step. Period.
We weren’t meant to be together I was just another social experiment to you and I only chose you to try and change me Well not really me just change my type but it wasn’t for the better it was more like a lateral move that put me in no better position than I was before Maybe I’ve become so enthralled with what I think is my “type” that I can’t be attracted to anything else Or maybe I just wasn't attracted to you I'll take the latter Yes it’s probably my fault for wasting your time but please note the reason why me and you didn’t work wasn’t because we couldn’t but because shouldn’t It just wasn‘t meant to be but I hope you find what you‘re looking for. Period.
You and him overlapped but not in a sexual way in an emotional way I could talk to you I could relate to you You were what I was wanting him to be You were what I was attracted to You were the one I couldn’t let go Maybe you rejuvenate my youth I don’t know what it is but I’m trying very hard not to get sidetracked by the obvious I’m too old to be oblivious See I know I’m not the only one but I didn’t come into this situation expecting to be Just like you can’t ask the same thing of me We are both single and until that changes anything goes No rules No limitations but still a sense of respect We laugh We joke We have fun together So lets not make it more complicated than it has to be right now I don't want to waste the moment. Period.
No wait. Erase that. Comma because this isn’t the end or at least I don’t want it to be. I just want to take this brief moment to pause, reflect, and continue. One and two and breathe. Now I feel better

Click. Clack. Cuffed.

It’s mid October. Boredom is beginning to consume your mind. Football season isn’t giving you ALL the entertainment that you REALLY want and the upcoming basketball season won’t either. The weather’s changing. The temperature’s changing. The leaves are changing. Thus bringing about a new season. Cuffin’ Season. You know like click clack. Handcuffs? Yeah, that time of year. The time of year where persuasion and delusion is at an all time high. Where love and lust become more interchangeable than they already are. (Sad but you know it’s the truth). Where desperation sets in because it’s been over a month since your summer fling dipped and you have yet to be entertained… consistently. I mean some people are really good at this. They know what to say and how to say it. Not to mention how to DO it. Yeah I won’t be nasty today. Nonetheless, right now everyone wants that warm body to lay with at least a few days out the week if nothing else. Is this a bad case complacency? Yes. Is it a good idea? It depends. This isn’t meant to be serious AND long term. Now, if you let it, it can become long term. A bridge to nowhere with the expectation of something on the other side. Some people like it that way. If you do, then happy cuffin‘! Now if you don’t, please don’t be fooled. Cuffin’ season is just that… a season. Please don’t try to convince yourself that you are the exception and not the rule. I mean if everyone was the exception what would be the purpose of the rule? Let the situation prove otherwise. And if you want something long term, these cowboys and cowgirls aren’t for you… because this rodeo is only here temporarily.

Me Time

The older I get, the more I feel the need to focus on myself. In my younger days, I used to be a gossiper. I used to want to please everyone else. I used to care about my perception to those who loved me and hated me. I used to know what happened, when it happened, where it happened, who it happened to, and how it happened. I had to be in the loop. I used to. Keywords. Call it college life. Now, I realize that working on myself, my problems, my inner demons is and should always be top priority. If you have no direct link to the happiness in my life, you are of little or no importance. I don’t give a shit what you do. Not that I don’t like you, but fixing my problems is just way more important that discussing or worrying about yours. Your business is just that, YOUR BUSINESS. Just like my business is MY BUSINESS. I must note that it seems as tho most people who want you to stay out of their lives can’t seem to stay out of others lives. I guess the “Do unto others…” principle is somewhat null and void and the “Do as I say not as I do“ principle is way more popular. But to sum it all up. Do you. Learn from your mistakes. Fix your problems. Work on self. Because at the end of the day when you are done gossiping and worrying about everyone else, you have to deal with you. And dealing with YOU should be a 24 hour a day/7 days a week job not a part time one. Yeah… I have a lot more to say but… I’ll save it for another day…

Closet Doors

Closet doors. How many of us have them? Hmmm. I think about everybody. Those closet doors are the opening to the past and we attempt to stand in front of the door until everyone forgets the door or until everyone forgets what is behind it. However, please be aware that someone is always trying to catch you slipping so they can open your closet door and let the skeletons out. And you ask why? Well I can’t answer that question with complete accuracy but I can take an educated guess. May because what is in their closet is worse than what is in yours. So, with opening your closet door, you can only worry about closing a door that sometimes can never be shut. Maybe because opening your closet door makes them feel like they are a step ahead while they have set you two steps back. Some people always have to feel like they have the upper hand by any means necessary. Maybe because they can’t fathom the idea of you being able to live a productive life with your closet door being unexposed and never opened. Or maybe their closet door is never closed and they feel yours should be too. But for whatever reasons people choose to be vengeful always remember your closet door is the past. Nothing more. Nothing less. You can’t change it. You can only learn from it. You can’t control other people’s actions. You can only react to them. And your reaction determines your control. So just learn from your past, be proactive in the present, and focus on your future.

I don’t wanna argue but….

Why do we argue all the time? Let me count the reasons.

We argue because of Twitter. We’re both flirts. However, I’m just not as blatant about it. You on the other hand are. You don’t realize it. How you don’t? I don’t know. To me it’s disrespect. To you it’s innocent. Social networking sites can be a blessing and a curse. And there is a fine line between the two. Especially if you’re dating someone.

We argue because you don’t call enough. When you aren’t in the same city, communication is key right. So, if we don’t talk then what’s left. I’ll tell you what’s left. A lingering feeling that something isn’t right. I don’t like that feeling and you don’t either.

We argue because I have male friends. Yep, sure do. You have female friends right? Yeah, that’s what I thought. So, just like you have female friends, I have male friends. And just like you have slept with one or two. So, have I. I’m wondering if my complete honesty was warranted now. It seems to have played into your insecurity.

We argue because we both have smart ass mouths. You have the ability to make me cry with the words that roll off of your tongue. You have the ability to make me angry the same way and you know it. I shouldn’t let you get to me. I’m supposed to be the BULL. Taurus women aren’t wimps at least not to your face. I showed my weakness. Eh. Oh well. I AM a woman. The same way you can change my emotions, I can change yours. And I know it. However, sometimes things are taken out of context and intent. We HAVE to realize this.

We argue because we don’t trust each other 100%. If you did, you wouldn’t assume I was up to no good at night when I don’t you call at 11 pm when I TELL you I go to bed around 10 or 10:30. So, of course I’m not going to answer the phone. I’m ASLEEP! And if I trusted you completely, I wouldn’t worry about you going out every weekend. I mean just because you like to have a drink and happen to be out while doing it shouldn’t warrant attitude. I understand that.

Now, someone may ask “Who wants to be with someone when all you seem to do is argue?”… That’s a great question… A question for a later date.

Permanent Perceptions

I must admit. I’m one of the most indecisive people on earth. In addition to that, I change my mind a lot. Nowadays, that seems to be a crime. You see people nowadays are wanting you how have permanent positions and permanent perceptions. For instance, do you really expect me to be friends with someone I don’t have a good reason to stay friends with? Should you be so opposed to me becoming friends with someone I wasn’t previously friends with. Points change. Perceptions change. Positions change. I’m a democrat but I don’t hate all Republicans. That’s silly. There are dogs on both sides of the fence. Not to mention, a lot of you don’t know why you are democrats anyway other than your parents were. So, do you think I should hate my ex for the rest of my life because he did me wrong? We were young and dumb. Now, we are old and intelligent… or so we claim. Parameters have changed. Perceptions change. All I’m saying is I’m change everyday. My clothes. My hair. My mind. And it’s not a crime. And if it was, we would all be in jail.

The Waiting Game

Let’s play a game. It’s called… you guessed it… the waiting game. Now, listen to the rules very carefully before you decide if you want to participate. There will be a lot of losers but only one winner. Ready? Okay. The waiting game has to have at least a team of two. Please note: Partners may be swapped out at any time without notice and additional players may be added to the game without your permission. The waiting game is played by waiting. Yes, simply waiting. The point of the game is to outlast your opponents and be the last one standing in the end with your partner. Please note: Your partner has the ability to say “Time’s up” and in that event you will lose the game. If you are the winner of the waiting game, you will win the grand prize. The grand prize is a ring and a lifetime. Please note: The lifetime is pending upon a successful marriage. So now who wants to play?

*PAUSE* Before anyone answers that. Let me give you some examples of how this game could possibly pan out.

Ex 1: - Player 1 and Player 2 begin the waiting game. Player 1 adds Player 3 to the game. Player 3 wins game.

Ex 2: - Player 1 and Player 2 begin the waiting game. Player 2 doesn’t know she is really Player 3. Player 2 wins game.

Ex 3: - Player 1, Player 2, Player 3, Player 4, and Player 5 begin the waiting game. Player 1 says “Time’s Up” to Player 3 and Player 4. Player 1 adds Player 6 and Player 7 to the game. Player says “Time’s Up” to all players left and adds Player 8. Player 8 wins

Ex 4: - Player 1 and Player 2 begin the waiting game. Player 2 wins the game.

Please note: Example 4 is most desired yet the least common method of play. These rules are subject to interpretation. Play at your own risk.