Invisible Ink or a Blank Sheet of Paper?

Sitting here looking at a blank sheet of paper. Or is it? I glanced and thought I saw something on it but I’m not for sure. Is it possible the paper isn’t blank at all, but merely covered with words written in invisible ink? Do I have the right light to uncover the hidden message? Or am I merely making something out of nothing? How do I uncover the truth? I could be making something out of nothing. It could be just a regular sheet of paper that says nothing. Absolutely nothing. I could’ve misinterpreted what I saw. It wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened. Sometimes I think we… well I… make something out of nothing. If there’s nothing there, there just isn’t anything there! There isn’t anything I can do to make something appear that isn’t there in the first place. The tricky part is knowing the difference. Knowing if the paper is blank or if it isn’t. Knowing if your situation is something or if it isn’t. Could it be so simple to just ask? It probably is as long as you ask the right question. Is this invisible ink or just a blank sheet of paper?

As the song changes by Pandora

“Sometimes I feel good… at times I feel used”… That’s about accurate Alicia. Though I don’t know your purpose for using me. Maybe just because. Maybe you don’t take me seriously. Maybe that’s just you. Who am I to judge what you do? If I don’t like it I should change the situation, right? Fortunately for you, the good feeling outweighs the used one.

“Now that it’s over stop calling me… come pick up your clothes”… Preach Beyonce. You chose this path. You really did. I still wanted to be friends because that’s all it should’ve been anyway. You didn’t. Oh well. So since you didn’t want to straddle the fence then, don’t do it now. I’m content over here.

“Time on my hands… since you been away boy… I ain‘t got no plans”… Sorry Mary. SKIP.

“Some people work things out and some just don’t know how to change”… Can I be both Boyz II Men? I feel like I’m in both categories. I work things out with the assumed “right” people but for the assumed “wrong” people I don’t know how to change. If only I knew which was which for sure…

“cuz I am superwoman… Yes I am”… at least I feel like I am today Alicia… Maybe it’s the month of November. I feel like I’ve conquered it already.

“Nobody wants to be alone”… True story Usher. For this I think people settle for less than they deserve. I mean you can do bad all by yourself but what’s the fun in that? There’s nothing like being able to share the good and bad times with SOMEBODY… ANYBODY…

“But inevitably… you‘ll be back again”… Hit the nail on the head with this one Mariah. Some just can‘t be shook even if you wanted to shake them. What’s important is knowing the reason why they come back and if they act right the second go round.

“I wanna be the one who you believe in your heart is sent from heaven”… Story of my life Keyshia. No extra comments needed.

I’m done for now… Sometimes a song can say what you never could or make you think what you never would. It's great when someone else's logic speaks to you. Kudos to Pandora this morning.

Inner Thoughts

Driving across this bridge. I can’t see the other side. If this bridge is how bridges are supposed to be, then there is an end on the other side, right? So I keep driving. And driving. And driving. Then I start to question myself. I’ve been driving for a long time when will I reach the other side? Well, I’ve come too far to turn back now. If I turn back, I will have waste so much time. I might as well keep on going as long as I have gas. So, I keep driving because now I’m curious. I want to know what’s on the other side. I HAVE to get there. I’m still on the bridge. My gas light comes on. Here’s my sign. I should turn back or maybe just a little longer. Breaking point. Decisions. What to do?
If I keep going, I may make it to the other side. If I turn around, I may not make it back to the point where I started. So, I keep going and I run out of gas. Damn. I was warned. Didn’t take heed. Not the best judgment call. Now I’m stuck. Take action or remain passive....
Take action or remain passive because I know we’ve been talking for so long and I feel like this road has to lead somewhere. Anywhere. Or think with my head and not my heart. I know how it was like BEFORE the journey started. I sure I can get back to that point and start anew because I’ve learned a powerful lesson. Signs are meant to tell you something. I just have to stop, look, and listen. Ignoring the signs are only detrimental to me. Not to mention the signs that aren't there can mean almost as much as the ones that are. So I have to pay better attention, but now that I've surpassed that point. The signs told me everything I needed to know. I just didn't listen. So what do I do? Make the decision for me or make the decision for you

One and two and breathe

Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Well I would be able to if I could get some things off my chest. Some things that may not make any sense to you but they make a lot of sense to me. My issues will only be separated by a period. Signifying the end. So let’s put somethings to rest. Funeral service if you will.
You’ve been around for so long you have an advantage over everyone and I mean everyone Unfortunately I’m growing up before your eyes and you don’t even know it or maybe you do Maybe that’s why you have to throw a monkey wrench so I’ll stick around You think I will be here forever but newsflash I’ve BEEN here forever or close enough no long enough It’s time to move on Nothing has changed There is no progress You’re great Don’t get me wrong but I’m not the one you want So why pretend Now I need my brain to send a signal for my feet to move Next step. Period.
We weren’t meant to be together I was just another social experiment to you and I only chose you to try and change me Well not really me just change my type but it wasn’t for the better it was more like a lateral move that put me in no better position than I was before Maybe I’ve become so enthralled with what I think is my “type” that I can’t be attracted to anything else Or maybe I just wasn't attracted to you I'll take the latter Yes it’s probably my fault for wasting your time but please note the reason why me and you didn’t work wasn’t because we couldn’t but because shouldn’t It just wasn‘t meant to be but I hope you find what you‘re looking for. Period.
You and him overlapped but not in a sexual way in an emotional way I could talk to you I could relate to you You were what I was wanting him to be You were what I was attracted to You were the one I couldn’t let go Maybe you rejuvenate my youth I don’t know what it is but I’m trying very hard not to get sidetracked by the obvious I’m too old to be oblivious See I know I’m not the only one but I didn’t come into this situation expecting to be Just like you can’t ask the same thing of me We are both single and until that changes anything goes No rules No limitations but still a sense of respect We laugh We joke We have fun together So lets not make it more complicated than it has to be right now I don't want to waste the moment. Period.
No wait. Erase that. Comma because this isn’t the end or at least I don’t want it to be. I just want to take this brief moment to pause, reflect, and continue. One and two and breathe. Now I feel better

Click. Clack. Cuffed.

It’s mid October. Boredom is beginning to consume your mind. Football season isn’t giving you ALL the entertainment that you REALLY want and the upcoming basketball season won’t either. The weather’s changing. The temperature’s changing. The leaves are changing. Thus bringing about a new season. Cuffin’ Season. You know like click clack. Handcuffs? Yeah, that time of year. The time of year where persuasion and delusion is at an all time high. Where love and lust become more interchangeable than they already are. (Sad but you know it’s the truth). Where desperation sets in because it’s been over a month since your summer fling dipped and you have yet to be entertained… consistently. I mean some people are really good at this. They know what to say and how to say it. Not to mention how to DO it. Yeah I won’t be nasty today. Nonetheless, right now everyone wants that warm body to lay with at least a few days out the week if nothing else. Is this a bad case complacency? Yes. Is it a good idea? It depends. This isn’t meant to be serious AND long term. Now, if you let it, it can become long term. A bridge to nowhere with the expectation of something on the other side. Some people like it that way. If you do, then happy cuffin‘! Now if you don’t, please don’t be fooled. Cuffin’ season is just that… a season. Please don’t try to convince yourself that you are the exception and not the rule. I mean if everyone was the exception what would be the purpose of the rule? Let the situation prove otherwise. And if you want something long term, these cowboys and cowgirls aren’t for you… because this rodeo is only here temporarily.

Me Time

The older I get, the more I feel the need to focus on myself. In my younger days, I used to be a gossiper. I used to want to please everyone else. I used to care about my perception to those who loved me and hated me. I used to know what happened, when it happened, where it happened, who it happened to, and how it happened. I had to be in the loop. I used to. Keywords. Call it college life. Now, I realize that working on myself, my problems, my inner demons is and should always be top priority. If you have no direct link to the happiness in my life, you are of little or no importance. I don’t give a shit what you do. Not that I don’t like you, but fixing my problems is just way more important that discussing or worrying about yours. Your business is just that, YOUR BUSINESS. Just like my business is MY BUSINESS. I must note that it seems as tho most people who want you to stay out of their lives can’t seem to stay out of others lives. I guess the “Do unto others…” principle is somewhat null and void and the “Do as I say not as I do“ principle is way more popular. But to sum it all up. Do you. Learn from your mistakes. Fix your problems. Work on self. Because at the end of the day when you are done gossiping and worrying about everyone else, you have to deal with you. And dealing with YOU should be a 24 hour a day/7 days a week job not a part time one. Yeah… I have a lot more to say but… I’ll save it for another day…

Closet Doors

Closet doors. How many of us have them? Hmmm. I think about everybody. Those closet doors are the opening to the past and we attempt to stand in front of the door until everyone forgets the door or until everyone forgets what is behind it. However, please be aware that someone is always trying to catch you slipping so they can open your closet door and let the skeletons out. And you ask why? Well I can’t answer that question with complete accuracy but I can take an educated guess. May because what is in their closet is worse than what is in yours. So, with opening your closet door, you can only worry about closing a door that sometimes can never be shut. Maybe because opening your closet door makes them feel like they are a step ahead while they have set you two steps back. Some people always have to feel like they have the upper hand by any means necessary. Maybe because they can’t fathom the idea of you being able to live a productive life with your closet door being unexposed and never opened. Or maybe their closet door is never closed and they feel yours should be too. But for whatever reasons people choose to be vengeful always remember your closet door is the past. Nothing more. Nothing less. You can’t change it. You can only learn from it. You can’t control other people’s actions. You can only react to them. And your reaction determines your control. So just learn from your past, be proactive in the present, and focus on your future.