Am I Worth The Read?

So, I find this book at Barnes and Noble. The outside is in good condition and the cover is shiny with no imperfections. I go to a used book store and low and behold I find the same book. The outside is in okay condition even though the cover is beginning to dull and rip a little bit. However, it is half price compared to Barnes and Noble. So now I’m at the library, looking for another book when I run across this book again. The book is in the same condition as it was at the used bookstore just a little dusty. It’s free but I can’t keep it. I have to stay at the library to read it or return it after a week. Now, some people would want to buy the brand new book even though it costs the most because it appears that they would be the first owner and it’s appealing to the eye. Yet, they don’t take into account that the book could’ve been returned. Some people would want to buy the used book because it still looks good and it’s less expensive. It still serves its purpose and even though it is a little worn, its value is not lost. Others would want to go to the library and read it. Even though the book won’t be yours, you can still read it anytime you want to as long as it’s not checked out and you didn’t have to pay anything for it. Now before I buy the book, I open it up and read the preface. Ahhh the preface. The potential make or break part of the book for most. If the preface tells too much, is too long or is uninteresting, I probably won’t want to read anymore. If the preface keeps my interest, I will at least read Chapter 1. Am I talking picking out books? No. So what’s my point you ask? Well, I think often times we fail at selling ourselves as the complete read from cover to cover. We have the bright shiny book cover on the outside but the uninteresting preface on the inside. Or we are not appealing enough on the outside to warrant anyone to even take a look on the inside even though the preface could be worth the read. Or we are good enough to catch the eye with our catchy title but we give everything away in the preface that there is no reason to read the book let alone buy it. If no one is trying to read your book or buy it then one of those reasons could possibly be why. I think we need to stop marketing ourselves at the wrong place and to the wrong crowd. If you are a brand new book, why are you on the shelf with the used books? Or if you are a book of suspense, why does your preface say you are a drama? If you never market yourself in the right place and to the right audience, you will probably always have the wrong readers. Just some food for thought.

The Blind Leading The Blind

Remembering back to those days when I was oh so young and dumb. When all of my dumb decisions were justifiable in my own eyes and never disputed by the ones around me. Now, with better decisions and better friends, I laugh at myself. How could I have been so dumb to think that a) this decision was even remotely right and b) my friends that were doing the same dumb shit as me had the best advice. That’s not to say my friends were bad friends, they just didn’t know any better themselves. Now, my friends can no longer say they don’t know better and neither can I. I guess that comes with growing up and some just grow up faster than others. I mean really… did I believe that my friends were going to help me with my situation when their situation was no better than mine and maybe worse. It seems as though the purpose of asking for advice nowadays is to get someone to listen and agree with you. If that’s what you want, then buy a puppy or nod your head while talking to a mirror. Your friends should be there to provide a different aspect on the situation. And if you don’t take that opinion into consideration, they should be there to tell you “I told you so”. Real friends won’t let you look like a fool if they can help it. Real friends are not enablers. Real friends of such capacity are hard to find and even harder to identify. I would like to personally thank all my real friends for serving their purpose and never letting me down. I don’t have to worry about walking in a room or leaving one and becoming the laughter of the day or the disgust... now back to the topic lol... You can't learn any more from someone who is as oblivious to the situation as you are. So get out of line and stop playing follow the leader.

Like A Deer In Headlights

They see you coming but don’t move. Why? They are stuck. They can’t move. They are too mesmerized by the headlights to realize the impeding danger. We have all been that deer before. So stuck on that mind blowing sex that we fail to realize the situation we are in isn’t beneficial to us. Sex is one of those things that when it’s good you will overlook a lot of things in order to keep getting it. You can be getting cheated on, getting mistreated, and spending all your money on him/her yet that orgasm is worth it ALL. Because quite frankly when someone knows your body and gives it to you the way you want it, you don’t want to go through the process of finding someone else to do it better. You are just that comfortable. But should SEX be that high on the priority list to where you compromise other areas of importance? Sex is great but at the end of the day there are other things that are more important. You shouldn’t compromise your permanent emotional happiness for a temporary physical satisfaction. There is a happy medium tho. You just have to find. So you can be that deer and stare into those headlights. Just know when to get out of the way.

For the love of the game or for the love of the players of the game?

Girls love for sports is rapidly on the rise. Or is it? Personally, I grew up watching football (My papaw used to play), basketball (I hooped a lil bit lol), and baseball (My granddaddy, dad, and brother played). So, I was exposed in my early tomboy years and my love for the game grew stronger and stronger everyday. Yes I was a tomboy. Hard to believe huh? I was watching the Cowboys when I didn’t know to pick better. Lol. I was watching the Tennessee Oilers when they first came to Tennessee. I was the biggest MJ fan you could imagine. I still have my jersey. I was also an Atlanta Braves fan and loved Chipper Jones. I collected and traded cards like it was nobody's business. So, I would say I have love for the game… more so for football than any other but I like the other ones also. However, it seems as though there are some masters of disguise walking around out here and it‘s an insult to us females who really know and love sports. Many girls say they have love for the game. Yet, it seems like the only thing that holds their attention during a football game is when #66 is on special teams or during a baseball game when #10 is pitching. I’m not saying it’s wrong to like athletes and I would be struck down by the good Lord above if I said I didn’t like athletes my damn self. And of course everyone has their favorite players but if those players were gone would you still feel the same way about sports as you do now? I can speak for my good friends and myself and tell you that all of us can go tit for tat with you on any given day about sports. And it’s because our passion is with the game. When our favorite player is gone, we are still there. When we’re up, we are there. When we’re down, we are there because we always have been. It just seems to me like a lot of girls start dating/screwing/crushing on these athletes and all of a sudden they want to claim they know the game when they didn‘t give a shit about it before. They start to sound like parrots repeating everything they hear on TV. Dicky V and Kirk Herbstreit are their best friends yet they think an “audible” and an audit are synonymous. Shoutout to the laughs of OP training. My point is if you love then game then you love the game and it will show. If you love the players, stop pretending like you love the game. That’s just an insult to us who really do and you won't be able to keep up with us. I can promise you that. Now if you love the players AND the game, that’s another blog.

She’s just not that into you… she’s that into your wallet

Talking to my twitter buds about my last blog produced a topic for the fellas… well kinda. No I wasn’t man bashing in the last one. No I’m not woman bashing in this one. Now down to business. There are women out there, not all but some, who are all about the benjamins, typically referred to as gold diggers. The term is self explanatory so what is the point of this blog. Some ladies go to the extreme to convince themselves that the reason they are interested in this man is because of every other attribute he has. Let’s start with some examples of the flaws of money men that women “overlook” because hey “no one is perfect”.

1. Mr. Unattractive. He’s not attractive. You know it. All your friends think he looks like a monster compared to what you typically date. You blew him off at first until you found out he wasn’t lacking in the bank account. Now, his looks are just a minor speed bump on the way to throwing it in the bag.

2. Mr. Small Penis. The sex is TERRIBLE but you will definitely bang for that buck. He’s okay looking but nothing that you just go ga-ga for. But with all the money he has, you could buy platinum plated dick. So, you convince yourself the sex isn’t really THAT bad and you can teach him a few things. Right?

3. Mr. Bad Attitude. If anyone else talked so reckless to you, your neck would snap so hard you thought you had whiplash. He pops off at the mouth at any given moment. Doesn’t care if he embarrasses you or himself. He’s never happy. Nothing you do is right. He controls you with his mouth and not the way you would want him to. Yet, you choose to follow him down Misery Lane because it’s paved in gold.

4. Mr. Multi-woman Man. He has women on the side. You know it. It bothers you but you would never say anything. Why? Because that’s the price you pay? You convince yourself that most men cheat anyway so why not live by the lyric “You should know by now that all n*ggas is dogs better to have a rich pit than a broke German Sheppard” as long he buys you a diamond studded collar to match his.

5. Mr. Big Belly Bankroll. He’s so big it’s disgusting. He is knocking on diabetes door while shoving all of the fried food you cooked down his throat. He loves food. You cook food. So he loves you. You love shopping. He owns the mall. So you love him.

6. Mr. SS Check. He’s old enough to be your dad and maybe your granddad. There is nothing attractive to about him. He’s not even Hugh Hefner. The only thing older than him is his money. He’s so mature tho and he can TRUST you with his FUND.

7. Mr. That’s Just OUR Baby’s Daddy. He has more kids than he has zeros in the bank and he has equally as many baby mothers. They hate you and you are the target. You get more threats than the President on a daily basis from them. Yet, you don’t mind being a step mom. I mean it’s only 18 years and you don’t have to have any of your own.

Now don’t get me wrong. Everyone wants to live a comfortable lifestyle with myself included. My only question is. Would you be interested if he didn’t have money? Chances are the answer is not and.. HEYYYYY it must be the MONEY!

In it to hit it?

So you start talking to someone new or old. You do the norm or texting and calling. Now it’s been a week. While you contemplate over the events of the week, you think to yourself if this guy is just trying to hit it and quit it. Some signs are not so evident. However, some signs are smack you in the face "Hi I'm here" and *BOOM* type evident. So, let me talk about what I think are just a few signs that he is trying to put that smack down put the smack down *Jeezy voice*

1. He doesn’t offer to take you out on a date in public. It’s not that he’s not able to do it or he‘s too busy. It’s because he just doesn’t want to. Why? He probably doesn’t want to be seen because he doesn’t want people to think you are together when he only has intentions of being cut buddies. **Please note that just because he does take you out doesn’t exclude him from just wanting to tap that ass. Some men have the resources to wine and dine their potential scattered ass. Some men don’t have the resources but if it only take one date to get the booty then they will do it to.

2. He’s not interested in getting to know you as a person. All the “getting to know each other” questions lead to sex. It’s amazing how you start off talking about what’s for lunch today and 10 minutes later he’s asking you what’s your favorite position. Hello! You’ve known this man for a week. He probably doesn’t know your last name yet, nor has he asked, but that’s because he doesn’t care to know your last name or anything else about you for that matter.


3. He always want to hang out late night. He always wants to make it a redbox night but doesn't hit you up until 10 to come over and watch the movie. You have to get ready to go over there so you know you won’t be at his house a minute before 11. He gets 2 movies which is about 3 hours of run time. He knows you will stay through the first movie because that‘s what you came for. The first movie ends slightly after midnight. He thinks if you are willing to stay for the second movie, you are willing to stay the night because it will be so late. So, if you are willing to stay the night, then you are willing to give up the ass in his eyes. It’s a bait and trap move. Clever I must say for those of you that use this.

4. He tries you and then becomes inconsistent with the phone calls and texts when you don‘t give it up. This is because he didn’t get what he intended to get. I can guarantee he probably hit you with the “These weren‘t my intentions” right after you didn‘t give it up too. Red Flag. Off top, no one asked for an explanation but the fact that he felt he had to give one should make you a bit leery. Second, if that wasn’t all he wanted then why did he stop texting and calling like he used to. Nothing changed right?

5. He pops up out of no where showing interest in you RIGHT after you’ve stopped talking to one of his friends. Cmon man! This is classic and sometimes it works too. He hits you with the “Man I’ve been feeling you but I didn’t want to say anything because you were talking to my homeboy at the time” and you swoon. He’s just waiting to play you because you are looking for the rebound guy and he’s willing to be that just for the sex. And you never know. It was a setup from the beginning between him and the homeboy from the beginning. Yes there are some grimy males out there.

At the end of the day, know what you want out of the situation. If you don’t want to just be cut buddies then don’t give it up so soon. If that’s all you want, then by all means get it in. Just know that after you make one decision or the other, it is damn near irreversible but as always... every situation is subject to interpretation. =)

Thou shalt not... continued

In my extra time... I thought I might completed my first official entry. So to continue...

5. Thou shalt not make excuses

He/she can do no wrong. Well, you won't let them do any wrong because you stay making excuses for their actions. "Yeah she didn't call me back like she said she would BUT she does have to work in the morning" or "We were supposed to go kick it BUT I know he was tired. I mean he did have practice today". As I stated before, people do what they want to do when they want to do it. I understand no one wants to look like the fool. However, when you make excuses for someone that isn’t making an excuse for themselves, you look desperate. And desperation can lead to insanity. You will mess around and start to drive yourself crazy justifying everything he or she does. It’s not a good look nor is it healthy.

6. Thou shalt not compare

I think the quickest turnoff is when you are compared to someone else in a negative manner. No one likes to be compared to anyone else ESPECIALLY if it is an ex. So whether it be directly or indirectly just don't do it. You saying "You ain't shit just like my ex" is equally as bad as saying "You just don't do what I'm used to" in reference to an ex. When you compare 2 people to make 1 feel inferior, you don't succeed in changing the situation. If anything, you make the situation worse and you will probably open up the “Well why don’t you go be with him/her them?” can of worms. So save your own feelings BEFORE they get hurt.

7. Thou shalt not try to change him/her

You can't change anyone. Period. If they want to change, then they will change. However, the change will be because they saw it beneficial and not because you warranted it. And it will not be a minute sooner than they wanted to do it. He is not Mr. Big and this is not SATC. The only thing you can change is yourself or your surroundings.

8. Thou shalt not think you are the exception

Deep down inside you know exactly what YOUR “ship” is. If you don’t have a title and you’ve been playing around with this guy or gal and you aren’t the only one. Chances are…. You ARE the rule and the rule is he/she is just not that into you LIKE THAT. That’s not to say that he or she doesn’t like you in some type of capacity. More than likely it’s probably physical tho. So, instead of making something out of nothing you need to make something out of something. If it’s not there, chances are it will never be there. Don’t take him calling you to have a chat as “Oh we must be getting somewhere” when in reality you weren’t the first person he called, the other person just didn’t pick up the phone. Take the sign that is in your face when he says “I‘ll hit you up when I get some time” for face value of “When all of my other options are exhausted, I’ll get at you”. You are the rule not the exception.

Who is the man again?

It may be 2010 but women are still looking for the same thing they were in men 50 years ago. They are looking for those man traits. Those man traits that define a REAL man. The word real is so played out I hate to even use it. So let’s just say and authentic man. However, we seem to have a small case of role reversal going on here and I don’t believe it is benefiting either gender at all. Women are starting to act more like men and men are beginning to act more like women. Where am I going with this exactly? Let me show you starting with us women.

Some of us women have taken it upon ourselves to walk around like we have the penis. We want to do everything for ourselves and don’t take no for an answer. We turn our hearts to stone and put up a brick wall where we wouldn’t know love if it hit us in the face. We want to wear the pants like they fit and maybe they do. However, some food for thought women, what man wants a man in a dress? If he wanted that he would turn gay right? I think women are forgetting that it’s okay to be soft because that is part of being a woman. It’s great to be independent and take care of yourself but let that man do for you if he wants to. Let him take you out. Let him pull out your chair. Let him lead the conversation. Let him do the things he is SUPPOSED to do to show interest in you. Otherwise, you are going to scare him and any other potential until you learn to put your penis away. Stop rocking out with your cock out. *I had to come back and add this one too. Some women find themselves acting more like men and actively dating multiple people at the same time. Now, it is your business and your business only what you do. HOWEVER, you must understand that a) anything you do you can’t expect him NOT to do and b) you must deal with the consequences of your actions. So, if you want to have a starting 5 and possibly a 6th man then go right ahead, but know there are pros and cons to doing so. I’m not here to judge.

I haven’t forgotten about the men. Some of you men have taken it upon yourselves to get a little too soft on us and take on some unflattering feminine traits. One of these traits is being scared to go out on a limb. Some of you are very scary acting nowadays. You can’t approach a woman because she looks unapproachable. However, you never know until you try. Some men are so scared of rejection by the female species that they will pass up an opportunity on someone who was just waiting for them to come over and speak. What’s the worst that could happen? She could tell you that she isn’t interested and then you can be on your merry little way. Now would that hurt you to the point of no return? I think not. I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure it’s wired into your being to be THE man and keep your emotions at bay (that is not saying don’t be emotional but that is saying control them). Another and possibly the most annoying trait men have developed is the trait of gossiping. Now, there is nothing wrong with talking to your buds about March Madness or Health Care Reform. I’ll even give you asking a personal friend about a specific problem in your “ship”. However, there is something wrong with grown ass men sitting around having a roundtable talking about the girls they are hitting and the games they are playing with them. This is so feminine it is ridiculous. If you need an ego boost, look for that from your woman by doing something good for her not from your boys by bragging about the scattered ass you brought home last night. It’s very distasteful.

So my point is to everyone act accordingly. If you want a man, then you need to act like a woman and if you want a woman then you need to act like a man but as always… Everything is subject to interpretation =)

Thou shalt not...

After listening to my friend complain about her male friend and their "ship" (It isn't a relationship soooo to me it's a "ship"), I thought it would only be appropriate to blog a little about what thou shalt not do when dealing with the opposite sex and a "ship".

1. Thou shalt not assume ANYTHING.

As simple as that sounds, it seems to be a hard concept to grasp. The age old saying still applies "ASSUME. It makes and ass out of you and me". You need to know what you are to him/her and where you are at with him/her. It seems like a lot of people just assume that "oh we had sex so we must be talking" or "oh we went out on a date so we must be dating", but you never know how he or she views the situation you are in until you ASK. This is how you end up looking like a fool... probably with your pants on the ground.


2. Thou shalt not lay claim.

I must say. I've been guilty of this one but that still doesn't make it right. So let me go ham on my own head. Claiming something that isn't yours is like false advertisement and it makes you look like a fraud. If you are not in a relationship with someone, he/she is not yours. Hold on. Let me turn my caps lock on loud. IF YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE, HE/SHE IS NOT YOURS. That person is free to do whatever, whenever, and with whomever. It's really funny how we will always be quick to lay claim on someone to everyone else but forget to let them in on the not-so-much-of-a-secret secret. I don't care if you've been around for the past 3 years that doesn't give you anymore claim the the person they met at the club a week ago and talk to on the phone everyday the same way they used to do you at first. To me, claim equals a title and a title equals a relationship thus claim equals a relationship.

3. Thou shalt not give more than you are getting.

Call me selfish but I believe this should be a 50-50 "ship" with 5% room for error. Why are you always calling? Why are they never answering when you call? Why are you always texting? Why are they texting you back 2 hours later? Why do you go out of your way to make time for them? Why do they never have time for you when you have time for them? Why are you running this "ship" by yourself? That doesn't sound like much of a "ship" at all huh? And that's because it's probably not. As I have learned the hard way, people make time what time want to make time for. If he/she wants to see you or call you or take you out, then they will do it. Period.

4. Thou shalt not waste time.

You spend all this time with someone you know does not have long term potential. Why? Holding on to the one that you know is not for you and is only there for extra activities may have you missing out on the one that really is. There comes a time where, for those of you who one day want to be married one day, you think to yourself "Playtime is over." When you come to that point, you realize there are a lot of people of the opposite sex who are not at that point yet. So, if you go after that same type every time, chances it won't turn out in your favor. Time is precious especially when it is yours. Don't waste it on someone who isn't deserving.

These are just my thoughts cut short this morning and they are subject to interpretation =)