Invisible Ink or a Blank Sheet of Paper?

Sitting here looking at a blank sheet of paper. Or is it? I glanced and thought I saw something on it but I’m not for sure. Is it possible the paper isn’t blank at all, but merely covered with words written in invisible ink? Do I have the right light to uncover the hidden message? Or am I merely making something out of nothing? How do I uncover the truth? I could be making something out of nothing. It could be just a regular sheet of paper that says nothing. Absolutely nothing. I could’ve misinterpreted what I saw. It wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened. Sometimes I think we… well I… make something out of nothing. If there’s nothing there, there just isn’t anything there! There isn’t anything I can do to make something appear that isn’t there in the first place. The tricky part is knowing the difference. Knowing if the paper is blank or if it isn’t. Knowing if your situation is something or if it isn’t. Could it be so simple to just ask? It probably is as long as you ask the right question. Is this invisible ink or just a blank sheet of paper?

As the song changes by Pandora

“Sometimes I feel good… at times I feel used”… That’s about accurate Alicia. Though I don’t know your purpose for using me. Maybe just because. Maybe you don’t take me seriously. Maybe that’s just you. Who am I to judge what you do? If I don’t like it I should change the situation, right? Fortunately for you, the good feeling outweighs the used one.

“Now that it’s over stop calling me… come pick up your clothes”… Preach Beyonce. You chose this path. You really did. I still wanted to be friends because that’s all it should’ve been anyway. You didn’t. Oh well. So since you didn’t want to straddle the fence then, don’t do it now. I’m content over here.

“Time on my hands… since you been away boy… I ain‘t got no plans”… Sorry Mary. SKIP.

“Some people work things out and some just don’t know how to change”… Can I be both Boyz II Men? I feel like I’m in both categories. I work things out with the assumed “right” people but for the assumed “wrong” people I don’t know how to change. If only I knew which was which for sure…

“cuz I am superwoman… Yes I am”… at least I feel like I am today Alicia… Maybe it’s the month of November. I feel like I’ve conquered it already.

“Nobody wants to be alone”… True story Usher. For this I think people settle for less than they deserve. I mean you can do bad all by yourself but what’s the fun in that? There’s nothing like being able to share the good and bad times with SOMEBODY… ANYBODY…

“But inevitably… you‘ll be back again”… Hit the nail on the head with this one Mariah. Some just can‘t be shook even if you wanted to shake them. What’s important is knowing the reason why they come back and if they act right the second go round.

“I wanna be the one who you believe in your heart is sent from heaven”… Story of my life Keyshia. No extra comments needed.

I’m done for now… Sometimes a song can say what you never could or make you think what you never would. It's great when someone else's logic speaks to you. Kudos to Pandora this morning.

Inner Thoughts

Driving across this bridge. I can’t see the other side. If this bridge is how bridges are supposed to be, then there is an end on the other side, right? So I keep driving. And driving. And driving. Then I start to question myself. I’ve been driving for a long time when will I reach the other side? Well, I’ve come too far to turn back now. If I turn back, I will have waste so much time. I might as well keep on going as long as I have gas. So, I keep driving because now I’m curious. I want to know what’s on the other side. I HAVE to get there. I’m still on the bridge. My gas light comes on. Here’s my sign. I should turn back or maybe just a little longer. Breaking point. Decisions. What to do?
If I keep going, I may make it to the other side. If I turn around, I may not make it back to the point where I started. So, I keep going and I run out of gas. Damn. I was warned. Didn’t take heed. Not the best judgment call. Now I’m stuck. Take action or remain passive....
Take action or remain passive because I know we’ve been talking for so long and I feel like this road has to lead somewhere. Anywhere. Or think with my head and not my heart. I know how it was like BEFORE the journey started. I sure I can get back to that point and start anew because I’ve learned a powerful lesson. Signs are meant to tell you something. I just have to stop, look, and listen. Ignoring the signs are only detrimental to me. Not to mention the signs that aren't there can mean almost as much as the ones that are. So I have to pay better attention, but now that I've surpassed that point. The signs told me everything I needed to know. I just didn't listen. So what do I do? Make the decision for me or make the decision for you

One and two and breathe

Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Well I would be able to if I could get some things off my chest. Some things that may not make any sense to you but they make a lot of sense to me. My issues will only be separated by a period. Signifying the end. So let’s put somethings to rest. Funeral service if you will.
You’ve been around for so long you have an advantage over everyone and I mean everyone Unfortunately I’m growing up before your eyes and you don’t even know it or maybe you do Maybe that’s why you have to throw a monkey wrench so I’ll stick around You think I will be here forever but newsflash I’ve BEEN here forever or close enough no long enough It’s time to move on Nothing has changed There is no progress You’re great Don’t get me wrong but I’m not the one you want So why pretend Now I need my brain to send a signal for my feet to move Next step. Period.
We weren’t meant to be together I was just another social experiment to you and I only chose you to try and change me Well not really me just change my type but it wasn’t for the better it was more like a lateral move that put me in no better position than I was before Maybe I’ve become so enthralled with what I think is my “type” that I can’t be attracted to anything else Or maybe I just wasn't attracted to you I'll take the latter Yes it’s probably my fault for wasting your time but please note the reason why me and you didn’t work wasn’t because we couldn’t but because shouldn’t It just wasn‘t meant to be but I hope you find what you‘re looking for. Period.
You and him overlapped but not in a sexual way in an emotional way I could talk to you I could relate to you You were what I was wanting him to be You were what I was attracted to You were the one I couldn’t let go Maybe you rejuvenate my youth I don’t know what it is but I’m trying very hard not to get sidetracked by the obvious I’m too old to be oblivious See I know I’m not the only one but I didn’t come into this situation expecting to be Just like you can’t ask the same thing of me We are both single and until that changes anything goes No rules No limitations but still a sense of respect We laugh We joke We have fun together So lets not make it more complicated than it has to be right now I don't want to waste the moment. Period.
No wait. Erase that. Comma because this isn’t the end or at least I don’t want it to be. I just want to take this brief moment to pause, reflect, and continue. One and two and breathe. Now I feel better

Click. Clack. Cuffed.

It’s mid October. Boredom is beginning to consume your mind. Football season isn’t giving you ALL the entertainment that you REALLY want and the upcoming basketball season won’t either. The weather’s changing. The temperature’s changing. The leaves are changing. Thus bringing about a new season. Cuffin’ Season. You know like click clack. Handcuffs? Yeah, that time of year. The time of year where persuasion and delusion is at an all time high. Where love and lust become more interchangeable than they already are. (Sad but you know it’s the truth). Where desperation sets in because it’s been over a month since your summer fling dipped and you have yet to be entertained… consistently. I mean some people are really good at this. They know what to say and how to say it. Not to mention how to DO it. Yeah I won’t be nasty today. Nonetheless, right now everyone wants that warm body to lay with at least a few days out the week if nothing else. Is this a bad case complacency? Yes. Is it a good idea? It depends. This isn’t meant to be serious AND long term. Now, if you let it, it can become long term. A bridge to nowhere with the expectation of something on the other side. Some people like it that way. If you do, then happy cuffin‘! Now if you don’t, please don’t be fooled. Cuffin’ season is just that… a season. Please don’t try to convince yourself that you are the exception and not the rule. I mean if everyone was the exception what would be the purpose of the rule? Let the situation prove otherwise. And if you want something long term, these cowboys and cowgirls aren’t for you… because this rodeo is only here temporarily.

Me Time

The older I get, the more I feel the need to focus on myself. In my younger days, I used to be a gossiper. I used to want to please everyone else. I used to care about my perception to those who loved me and hated me. I used to know what happened, when it happened, where it happened, who it happened to, and how it happened. I had to be in the loop. I used to. Keywords. Call it college life. Now, I realize that working on myself, my problems, my inner demons is and should always be top priority. If you have no direct link to the happiness in my life, you are of little or no importance. I don’t give a shit what you do. Not that I don’t like you, but fixing my problems is just way more important that discussing or worrying about yours. Your business is just that, YOUR BUSINESS. Just like my business is MY BUSINESS. I must note that it seems as tho most people who want you to stay out of their lives can’t seem to stay out of others lives. I guess the “Do unto others…” principle is somewhat null and void and the “Do as I say not as I do“ principle is way more popular. But to sum it all up. Do you. Learn from your mistakes. Fix your problems. Work on self. Because at the end of the day when you are done gossiping and worrying about everyone else, you have to deal with you. And dealing with YOU should be a 24 hour a day/7 days a week job not a part time one. Yeah… I have a lot more to say but… I’ll save it for another day…

Closet Doors

Closet doors. How many of us have them? Hmmm. I think about everybody. Those closet doors are the opening to the past and we attempt to stand in front of the door until everyone forgets the door or until everyone forgets what is behind it. However, please be aware that someone is always trying to catch you slipping so they can open your closet door and let the skeletons out. And you ask why? Well I can’t answer that question with complete accuracy but I can take an educated guess. May because what is in their closet is worse than what is in yours. So, with opening your closet door, you can only worry about closing a door that sometimes can never be shut. Maybe because opening your closet door makes them feel like they are a step ahead while they have set you two steps back. Some people always have to feel like they have the upper hand by any means necessary. Maybe because they can’t fathom the idea of you being able to live a productive life with your closet door being unexposed and never opened. Or maybe their closet door is never closed and they feel yours should be too. But for whatever reasons people choose to be vengeful always remember your closet door is the past. Nothing more. Nothing less. You can’t change it. You can only learn from it. You can’t control other people’s actions. You can only react to them. And your reaction determines your control. So just learn from your past, be proactive in the present, and focus on your future.

I don’t wanna argue but….

Why do we argue all the time? Let me count the reasons.

We argue because of Twitter. We’re both flirts. However, I’m just not as blatant about it. You on the other hand are. You don’t realize it. How you don’t? I don’t know. To me it’s disrespect. To you it’s innocent. Social networking sites can be a blessing and a curse. And there is a fine line between the two. Especially if you’re dating someone.

We argue because you don’t call enough. When you aren’t in the same city, communication is key right. So, if we don’t talk then what’s left. I’ll tell you what’s left. A lingering feeling that something isn’t right. I don’t like that feeling and you don’t either.

We argue because I have male friends. Yep, sure do. You have female friends right? Yeah, that’s what I thought. So, just like you have female friends, I have male friends. And just like you have slept with one or two. So, have I. I’m wondering if my complete honesty was warranted now. It seems to have played into your insecurity.

We argue because we both have smart ass mouths. You have the ability to make me cry with the words that roll off of your tongue. You have the ability to make me angry the same way and you know it. I shouldn’t let you get to me. I’m supposed to be the BULL. Taurus women aren’t wimps at least not to your face. I showed my weakness. Eh. Oh well. I AM a woman. The same way you can change my emotions, I can change yours. And I know it. However, sometimes things are taken out of context and intent. We HAVE to realize this.

We argue because we don’t trust each other 100%. If you did, you wouldn’t assume I was up to no good at night when I don’t you call at 11 pm when I TELL you I go to bed around 10 or 10:30. So, of course I’m not going to answer the phone. I’m ASLEEP! And if I trusted you completely, I wouldn’t worry about you going out every weekend. I mean just because you like to have a drink and happen to be out while doing it shouldn’t warrant attitude. I understand that.

Now, someone may ask “Who wants to be with someone when all you seem to do is argue?”… That’s a great question… A question for a later date.

Permanent Perceptions

I must admit. I’m one of the most indecisive people on earth. In addition to that, I change my mind a lot. Nowadays, that seems to be a crime. You see people nowadays are wanting you how have permanent positions and permanent perceptions. For instance, do you really expect me to be friends with someone I don’t have a good reason to stay friends with? Should you be so opposed to me becoming friends with someone I wasn’t previously friends with. Points change. Perceptions change. Positions change. I’m a democrat but I don’t hate all Republicans. That’s silly. There are dogs on both sides of the fence. Not to mention, a lot of you don’t know why you are democrats anyway other than your parents were. So, do you think I should hate my ex for the rest of my life because he did me wrong? We were young and dumb. Now, we are old and intelligent… or so we claim. Parameters have changed. Perceptions change. All I’m saying is I’m change everyday. My clothes. My hair. My mind. And it’s not a crime. And if it was, we would all be in jail.

The Waiting Game

Let’s play a game. It’s called… you guessed it… the waiting game. Now, listen to the rules very carefully before you decide if you want to participate. There will be a lot of losers but only one winner. Ready? Okay. The waiting game has to have at least a team of two. Please note: Partners may be swapped out at any time without notice and additional players may be added to the game without your permission. The waiting game is played by waiting. Yes, simply waiting. The point of the game is to outlast your opponents and be the last one standing in the end with your partner. Please note: Your partner has the ability to say “Time’s up” and in that event you will lose the game. If you are the winner of the waiting game, you will win the grand prize. The grand prize is a ring and a lifetime. Please note: The lifetime is pending upon a successful marriage. So now who wants to play?

*PAUSE* Before anyone answers that. Let me give you some examples of how this game could possibly pan out.

Ex 1: - Player 1 and Player 2 begin the waiting game. Player 1 adds Player 3 to the game. Player 3 wins game.

Ex 2: - Player 1 and Player 2 begin the waiting game. Player 2 doesn’t know she is really Player 3. Player 2 wins game.

Ex 3: - Player 1, Player 2, Player 3, Player 4, and Player 5 begin the waiting game. Player 1 says “Time’s Up” to Player 3 and Player 4. Player 1 adds Player 6 and Player 7 to the game. Player says “Time’s Up” to all players left and adds Player 8. Player 8 wins

Ex 4: - Player 1 and Player 2 begin the waiting game. Player 2 wins the game.

Please note: Example 4 is most desired yet the least common method of play. These rules are subject to interpretation. Play at your own risk.

A letter to Mr. Wrong

Dear Mr. Wrong,
It’s funny how things start out so right, but end so wrong. I wonder if I would still agree with that statement if you were completely honest from the beginning. I mean we are really at the age where you know what you want from someone when you meet them. Everyone has a purpose and it's okay to be honest about that. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. You picked up on it and ran with it. It's cool. However, I would like to think that I wasn’t out of line by calling you and texting you. I mean typically that’s how you show you are interested in someone. Right? I mean correct me if I’m wrong. All you have is communication if you don’t live in the same city. So, am I really supposed to believe your words when you say you’re interested over you actions when you don’t follow thru on what you said you were gonna do? I didn’t ask you to do anything. You offered. That’s equivalent to offering a lie. Funny how you hate liars tho. It's even funnier that you insist on being the victim. You swear you are being neglected and that I don't give you enough attention. That's cute, but you know the funniest thing about it all is how you always want to hang on by a thread. And I guess it's partially my fault for letting you. Now I've realized I'm worth more than that. I’m not Ms. Just-In-Case or Ms. Rainy Day Fund. I’ve done nothing to deserve any less respect from you than I give to you. Then I sit back and think that things happen for a reason and it kinda makes sense. You shouldn’t be able to keep something that you can’t appreciate and you shouldn’t want to keep something that has no value. That’s why letting it go and handing you a pair of scissors. Lesson learned my dear. Lesson learned.

Sincerely,
Ms. Could’ve Been

Everyday Fool?

So today is April Fools Day. Everyone is pulling out their best tricks and jokes to try and fool their fellow friends, coworkers and loved ones. Some jokes are quite funny. Others, not so much. Nonetheless, I sit here and wonder why this day is needed anyway. Many of us are April Fools damn near every day. We fall for the same tricks and jokes everyday from the same people who try to deceive us. So, why on April Fool’s day do we put up a guard and look for someone to play a joke on us when we are getting tricked every other day of the year? If you ask me and even if you don’t, maybe we should keep that guard up for the rest of the year and maybe for the rest of your life. Stop falling for the same tom foolery and wise up. How is it every day this nword is going to break up with his girlfriend BUT today we don’t believe that lil wayne got out of jail for good behavior? Or how is it that girl is really interested but only calls when she wants to spend and not hers BUT today we don’t believe Oprah is engaged? All of these claims are equally bogus and we already know it. So, let’s let today be the last day for us to play the everyday fool since we actually have an excuse. Tomorrow we can start fresh.

Am I Worth The Read?

So, I find this book at Barnes and Noble. The outside is in good condition and the cover is shiny with no imperfections. I go to a used book store and low and behold I find the same book. The outside is in okay condition even though the cover is beginning to dull and rip a little bit. However, it is half price compared to Barnes and Noble. So now I’m at the library, looking for another book when I run across this book again. The book is in the same condition as it was at the used bookstore just a little dusty. It’s free but I can’t keep it. I have to stay at the library to read it or return it after a week. Now, some people would want to buy the brand new book even though it costs the most because it appears that they would be the first owner and it’s appealing to the eye. Yet, they don’t take into account that the book could’ve been returned. Some people would want to buy the used book because it still looks good and it’s less expensive. It still serves its purpose and even though it is a little worn, its value is not lost. Others would want to go to the library and read it. Even though the book won’t be yours, you can still read it anytime you want to as long as it’s not checked out and you didn’t have to pay anything for it. Now before I buy the book, I open it up and read the preface. Ahhh the preface. The potential make or break part of the book for most. If the preface tells too much, is too long or is uninteresting, I probably won’t want to read anymore. If the preface keeps my interest, I will at least read Chapter 1. Am I talking picking out books? No. So what’s my point you ask? Well, I think often times we fail at selling ourselves as the complete read from cover to cover. We have the bright shiny book cover on the outside but the uninteresting preface on the inside. Or we are not appealing enough on the outside to warrant anyone to even take a look on the inside even though the preface could be worth the read. Or we are good enough to catch the eye with our catchy title but we give everything away in the preface that there is no reason to read the book let alone buy it. If no one is trying to read your book or buy it then one of those reasons could possibly be why. I think we need to stop marketing ourselves at the wrong place and to the wrong crowd. If you are a brand new book, why are you on the shelf with the used books? Or if you are a book of suspense, why does your preface say you are a drama? If you never market yourself in the right place and to the right audience, you will probably always have the wrong readers. Just some food for thought.

The Blind Leading The Blind

Remembering back to those days when I was oh so young and dumb. When all of my dumb decisions were justifiable in my own eyes and never disputed by the ones around me. Now, with better decisions and better friends, I laugh at myself. How could I have been so dumb to think that a) this decision was even remotely right and b) my friends that were doing the same dumb shit as me had the best advice. That’s not to say my friends were bad friends, they just didn’t know any better themselves. Now, my friends can no longer say they don’t know better and neither can I. I guess that comes with growing up and some just grow up faster than others. I mean really… did I believe that my friends were going to help me with my situation when their situation was no better than mine and maybe worse. It seems as though the purpose of asking for advice nowadays is to get someone to listen and agree with you. If that’s what you want, then buy a puppy or nod your head while talking to a mirror. Your friends should be there to provide a different aspect on the situation. And if you don’t take that opinion into consideration, they should be there to tell you “I told you so”. Real friends won’t let you look like a fool if they can help it. Real friends are not enablers. Real friends of such capacity are hard to find and even harder to identify. I would like to personally thank all my real friends for serving their purpose and never letting me down. I don’t have to worry about walking in a room or leaving one and becoming the laughter of the day or the disgust... now back to the topic lol... You can't learn any more from someone who is as oblivious to the situation as you are. So get out of line and stop playing follow the leader.

Like A Deer In Headlights

They see you coming but don’t move. Why? They are stuck. They can’t move. They are too mesmerized by the headlights to realize the impeding danger. We have all been that deer before. So stuck on that mind blowing sex that we fail to realize the situation we are in isn’t beneficial to us. Sex is one of those things that when it’s good you will overlook a lot of things in order to keep getting it. You can be getting cheated on, getting mistreated, and spending all your money on him/her yet that orgasm is worth it ALL. Because quite frankly when someone knows your body and gives it to you the way you want it, you don’t want to go through the process of finding someone else to do it better. You are just that comfortable. But should SEX be that high on the priority list to where you compromise other areas of importance? Sex is great but at the end of the day there are other things that are more important. You shouldn’t compromise your permanent emotional happiness for a temporary physical satisfaction. There is a happy medium tho. You just have to find. So you can be that deer and stare into those headlights. Just know when to get out of the way.

For the love of the game or for the love of the players of the game?

Girls love for sports is rapidly on the rise. Or is it? Personally, I grew up watching football (My papaw used to play), basketball (I hooped a lil bit lol), and baseball (My granddaddy, dad, and brother played). So, I was exposed in my early tomboy years and my love for the game grew stronger and stronger everyday. Yes I was a tomboy. Hard to believe huh? I was watching the Cowboys when I didn’t know to pick better. Lol. I was watching the Tennessee Oilers when they first came to Tennessee. I was the biggest MJ fan you could imagine. I still have my jersey. I was also an Atlanta Braves fan and loved Chipper Jones. I collected and traded cards like it was nobody's business. So, I would say I have love for the game… more so for football than any other but I like the other ones also. However, it seems as though there are some masters of disguise walking around out here and it‘s an insult to us females who really know and love sports. Many girls say they have love for the game. Yet, it seems like the only thing that holds their attention during a football game is when #66 is on special teams or during a baseball game when #10 is pitching. I’m not saying it’s wrong to like athletes and I would be struck down by the good Lord above if I said I didn’t like athletes my damn self. And of course everyone has their favorite players but if those players were gone would you still feel the same way about sports as you do now? I can speak for my good friends and myself and tell you that all of us can go tit for tat with you on any given day about sports. And it’s because our passion is with the game. When our favorite player is gone, we are still there. When we’re up, we are there. When we’re down, we are there because we always have been. It just seems to me like a lot of girls start dating/screwing/crushing on these athletes and all of a sudden they want to claim they know the game when they didn‘t give a shit about it before. They start to sound like parrots repeating everything they hear on TV. Dicky V and Kirk Herbstreit are their best friends yet they think an “audible” and an audit are synonymous. Shoutout to the laughs of OP training. My point is if you love then game then you love the game and it will show. If you love the players, stop pretending like you love the game. That’s just an insult to us who really do and you won't be able to keep up with us. I can promise you that. Now if you love the players AND the game, that’s another blog.

She’s just not that into you… she’s that into your wallet

Talking to my twitter buds about my last blog produced a topic for the fellas… well kinda. No I wasn’t man bashing in the last one. No I’m not woman bashing in this one. Now down to business. There are women out there, not all but some, who are all about the benjamins, typically referred to as gold diggers. The term is self explanatory so what is the point of this blog. Some ladies go to the extreme to convince themselves that the reason they are interested in this man is because of every other attribute he has. Let’s start with some examples of the flaws of money men that women “overlook” because hey “no one is perfect”.

1. Mr. Unattractive. He’s not attractive. You know it. All your friends think he looks like a monster compared to what you typically date. You blew him off at first until you found out he wasn’t lacking in the bank account. Now, his looks are just a minor speed bump on the way to throwing it in the bag.

2. Mr. Small Penis. The sex is TERRIBLE but you will definitely bang for that buck. He’s okay looking but nothing that you just go ga-ga for. But with all the money he has, you could buy platinum plated dick. So, you convince yourself the sex isn’t really THAT bad and you can teach him a few things. Right?

3. Mr. Bad Attitude. If anyone else talked so reckless to you, your neck would snap so hard you thought you had whiplash. He pops off at the mouth at any given moment. Doesn’t care if he embarrasses you or himself. He’s never happy. Nothing you do is right. He controls you with his mouth and not the way you would want him to. Yet, you choose to follow him down Misery Lane because it’s paved in gold.

4. Mr. Multi-woman Man. He has women on the side. You know it. It bothers you but you would never say anything. Why? Because that’s the price you pay? You convince yourself that most men cheat anyway so why not live by the lyric “You should know by now that all n*ggas is dogs better to have a rich pit than a broke German Sheppard” as long he buys you a diamond studded collar to match his.

5. Mr. Big Belly Bankroll. He’s so big it’s disgusting. He is knocking on diabetes door while shoving all of the fried food you cooked down his throat. He loves food. You cook food. So he loves you. You love shopping. He owns the mall. So you love him.

6. Mr. SS Check. He’s old enough to be your dad and maybe your granddad. There is nothing attractive to about him. He’s not even Hugh Hefner. The only thing older than him is his money. He’s so mature tho and he can TRUST you with his FUND.

7. Mr. That’s Just OUR Baby’s Daddy. He has more kids than he has zeros in the bank and he has equally as many baby mothers. They hate you and you are the target. You get more threats than the President on a daily basis from them. Yet, you don’t mind being a step mom. I mean it’s only 18 years and you don’t have to have any of your own.

Now don’t get me wrong. Everyone wants to live a comfortable lifestyle with myself included. My only question is. Would you be interested if he didn’t have money? Chances are the answer is not and.. HEYYYYY it must be the MONEY!

In it to hit it?

So you start talking to someone new or old. You do the norm or texting and calling. Now it’s been a week. While you contemplate over the events of the week, you think to yourself if this guy is just trying to hit it and quit it. Some signs are not so evident. However, some signs are smack you in the face "Hi I'm here" and *BOOM* type evident. So, let me talk about what I think are just a few signs that he is trying to put that smack down put the smack down *Jeezy voice*

1. He doesn’t offer to take you out on a date in public. It’s not that he’s not able to do it or he‘s too busy. It’s because he just doesn’t want to. Why? He probably doesn’t want to be seen because he doesn’t want people to think you are together when he only has intentions of being cut buddies. **Please note that just because he does take you out doesn’t exclude him from just wanting to tap that ass. Some men have the resources to wine and dine their potential scattered ass. Some men don’t have the resources but if it only take one date to get the booty then they will do it to.

2. He’s not interested in getting to know you as a person. All the “getting to know each other” questions lead to sex. It’s amazing how you start off talking about what’s for lunch today and 10 minutes later he’s asking you what’s your favorite position. Hello! You’ve known this man for a week. He probably doesn’t know your last name yet, nor has he asked, but that’s because he doesn’t care to know your last name or anything else about you for that matter.


3. He always want to hang out late night. He always wants to make it a redbox night but doesn't hit you up until 10 to come over and watch the movie. You have to get ready to go over there so you know you won’t be at his house a minute before 11. He gets 2 movies which is about 3 hours of run time. He knows you will stay through the first movie because that‘s what you came for. The first movie ends slightly after midnight. He thinks if you are willing to stay for the second movie, you are willing to stay the night because it will be so late. So, if you are willing to stay the night, then you are willing to give up the ass in his eyes. It’s a bait and trap move. Clever I must say for those of you that use this.

4. He tries you and then becomes inconsistent with the phone calls and texts when you don‘t give it up. This is because he didn’t get what he intended to get. I can guarantee he probably hit you with the “These weren‘t my intentions” right after you didn‘t give it up too. Red Flag. Off top, no one asked for an explanation but the fact that he felt he had to give one should make you a bit leery. Second, if that wasn’t all he wanted then why did he stop texting and calling like he used to. Nothing changed right?

5. He pops up out of no where showing interest in you RIGHT after you’ve stopped talking to one of his friends. Cmon man! This is classic and sometimes it works too. He hits you with the “Man I’ve been feeling you but I didn’t want to say anything because you were talking to my homeboy at the time” and you swoon. He’s just waiting to play you because you are looking for the rebound guy and he’s willing to be that just for the sex. And you never know. It was a setup from the beginning between him and the homeboy from the beginning. Yes there are some grimy males out there.

At the end of the day, know what you want out of the situation. If you don’t want to just be cut buddies then don’t give it up so soon. If that’s all you want, then by all means get it in. Just know that after you make one decision or the other, it is damn near irreversible but as always... every situation is subject to interpretation. =)

Thou shalt not... continued

In my extra time... I thought I might completed my first official entry. So to continue...

5. Thou shalt not make excuses

He/she can do no wrong. Well, you won't let them do any wrong because you stay making excuses for their actions. "Yeah she didn't call me back like she said she would BUT she does have to work in the morning" or "We were supposed to go kick it BUT I know he was tired. I mean he did have practice today". As I stated before, people do what they want to do when they want to do it. I understand no one wants to look like the fool. However, when you make excuses for someone that isn’t making an excuse for themselves, you look desperate. And desperation can lead to insanity. You will mess around and start to drive yourself crazy justifying everything he or she does. It’s not a good look nor is it healthy.

6. Thou shalt not compare

I think the quickest turnoff is when you are compared to someone else in a negative manner. No one likes to be compared to anyone else ESPECIALLY if it is an ex. So whether it be directly or indirectly just don't do it. You saying "You ain't shit just like my ex" is equally as bad as saying "You just don't do what I'm used to" in reference to an ex. When you compare 2 people to make 1 feel inferior, you don't succeed in changing the situation. If anything, you make the situation worse and you will probably open up the “Well why don’t you go be with him/her them?” can of worms. So save your own feelings BEFORE they get hurt.

7. Thou shalt not try to change him/her

You can't change anyone. Period. If they want to change, then they will change. However, the change will be because they saw it beneficial and not because you warranted it. And it will not be a minute sooner than they wanted to do it. He is not Mr. Big and this is not SATC. The only thing you can change is yourself or your surroundings.

8. Thou shalt not think you are the exception

Deep down inside you know exactly what YOUR “ship” is. If you don’t have a title and you’ve been playing around with this guy or gal and you aren’t the only one. Chances are…. You ARE the rule and the rule is he/she is just not that into you LIKE THAT. That’s not to say that he or she doesn’t like you in some type of capacity. More than likely it’s probably physical tho. So, instead of making something out of nothing you need to make something out of something. If it’s not there, chances are it will never be there. Don’t take him calling you to have a chat as “Oh we must be getting somewhere” when in reality you weren’t the first person he called, the other person just didn’t pick up the phone. Take the sign that is in your face when he says “I‘ll hit you up when I get some time” for face value of “When all of my other options are exhausted, I’ll get at you”. You are the rule not the exception.

Who is the man again?

It may be 2010 but women are still looking for the same thing they were in men 50 years ago. They are looking for those man traits. Those man traits that define a REAL man. The word real is so played out I hate to even use it. So let’s just say and authentic man. However, we seem to have a small case of role reversal going on here and I don’t believe it is benefiting either gender at all. Women are starting to act more like men and men are beginning to act more like women. Where am I going with this exactly? Let me show you starting with us women.

Some of us women have taken it upon ourselves to walk around like we have the penis. We want to do everything for ourselves and don’t take no for an answer. We turn our hearts to stone and put up a brick wall where we wouldn’t know love if it hit us in the face. We want to wear the pants like they fit and maybe they do. However, some food for thought women, what man wants a man in a dress? If he wanted that he would turn gay right? I think women are forgetting that it’s okay to be soft because that is part of being a woman. It’s great to be independent and take care of yourself but let that man do for you if he wants to. Let him take you out. Let him pull out your chair. Let him lead the conversation. Let him do the things he is SUPPOSED to do to show interest in you. Otherwise, you are going to scare him and any other potential until you learn to put your penis away. Stop rocking out with your cock out. *I had to come back and add this one too. Some women find themselves acting more like men and actively dating multiple people at the same time. Now, it is your business and your business only what you do. HOWEVER, you must understand that a) anything you do you can’t expect him NOT to do and b) you must deal with the consequences of your actions. So, if you want to have a starting 5 and possibly a 6th man then go right ahead, but know there are pros and cons to doing so. I’m not here to judge.

I haven’t forgotten about the men. Some of you men have taken it upon yourselves to get a little too soft on us and take on some unflattering feminine traits. One of these traits is being scared to go out on a limb. Some of you are very scary acting nowadays. You can’t approach a woman because she looks unapproachable. However, you never know until you try. Some men are so scared of rejection by the female species that they will pass up an opportunity on someone who was just waiting for them to come over and speak. What’s the worst that could happen? She could tell you that she isn’t interested and then you can be on your merry little way. Now would that hurt you to the point of no return? I think not. I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure it’s wired into your being to be THE man and keep your emotions at bay (that is not saying don’t be emotional but that is saying control them). Another and possibly the most annoying trait men have developed is the trait of gossiping. Now, there is nothing wrong with talking to your buds about March Madness or Health Care Reform. I’ll even give you asking a personal friend about a specific problem in your “ship”. However, there is something wrong with grown ass men sitting around having a roundtable talking about the girls they are hitting and the games they are playing with them. This is so feminine it is ridiculous. If you need an ego boost, look for that from your woman by doing something good for her not from your boys by bragging about the scattered ass you brought home last night. It’s very distasteful.

So my point is to everyone act accordingly. If you want a man, then you need to act like a woman and if you want a woman then you need to act like a man but as always… Everything is subject to interpretation =)

Thou shalt not...

After listening to my friend complain about her male friend and their "ship" (It isn't a relationship soooo to me it's a "ship"), I thought it would only be appropriate to blog a little about what thou shalt not do when dealing with the opposite sex and a "ship".

1. Thou shalt not assume ANYTHING.

As simple as that sounds, it seems to be a hard concept to grasp. The age old saying still applies "ASSUME. It makes and ass out of you and me". You need to know what you are to him/her and where you are at with him/her. It seems like a lot of people just assume that "oh we had sex so we must be talking" or "oh we went out on a date so we must be dating", but you never know how he or she views the situation you are in until you ASK. This is how you end up looking like a fool... probably with your pants on the ground.


2. Thou shalt not lay claim.

I must say. I've been guilty of this one but that still doesn't make it right. So let me go ham on my own head. Claiming something that isn't yours is like false advertisement and it makes you look like a fraud. If you are not in a relationship with someone, he/she is not yours. Hold on. Let me turn my caps lock on loud. IF YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE, HE/SHE IS NOT YOURS. That person is free to do whatever, whenever, and with whomever. It's really funny how we will always be quick to lay claim on someone to everyone else but forget to let them in on the not-so-much-of-a-secret secret. I don't care if you've been around for the past 3 years that doesn't give you anymore claim the the person they met at the club a week ago and talk to on the phone everyday the same way they used to do you at first. To me, claim equals a title and a title equals a relationship thus claim equals a relationship.

3. Thou shalt not give more than you are getting.

Call me selfish but I believe this should be a 50-50 "ship" with 5% room for error. Why are you always calling? Why are they never answering when you call? Why are you always texting? Why are they texting you back 2 hours later? Why do you go out of your way to make time for them? Why do they never have time for you when you have time for them? Why are you running this "ship" by yourself? That doesn't sound like much of a "ship" at all huh? And that's because it's probably not. As I have learned the hard way, people make time what time want to make time for. If he/she wants to see you or call you or take you out, then they will do it. Period.

4. Thou shalt not waste time.

You spend all this time with someone you know does not have long term potential. Why? Holding on to the one that you know is not for you and is only there for extra activities may have you missing out on the one that really is. There comes a time where, for those of you who one day want to be married one day, you think to yourself "Playtime is over." When you come to that point, you realize there are a lot of people of the opposite sex who are not at that point yet. So, if you go after that same type every time, chances it won't turn out in your favor. Time is precious especially when it is yours. Don't waste it on someone who isn't deserving.

These are just my thoughts cut short this morning and they are subject to interpretation =)